Mate of mine

Ate nothing but beetroot and sweetcorn fro a week in order to create purple poo with yellow polka dots.

My eldest son and his mum were staying at her Dads when he was about 1. Early one morning, she found him behind the sofa eating his own shit. She got it off him, and ran upstairs, woke her Dad up in a panic saying "Chris has just eaten poo". He asked if it was his own. When answered in the affirmative, said "oh thats all right then" and went back to sleep.

I went to see a design client in his home one time. The meeting took quite a long time, and eventually I was desperate for a crap. He was also in a major hurry to get to an important meeting. I went and let loose an absolute monster in his bog. It was evil, I tell you. Thing is, his bog already had been weed in by his kids, so I'd flushed it before using it, not wanting piss splashing on my arse. Other thing is it took about a month to fill up again. I was waiting for it, and he was outside the door in a total flap. He asked me to leave it there...pillock

Many years ago

When i was younger, the icelolly of choice was the Walls Big Feast (and they were larger then).
Now, in accordance with the rules of eating the lolly was to eat the crisp outer shell first, then the chocolate ice cream leaving you with the solid fake choclate center, have followed these rules a friend decide that a nearby chocolate coloured dog turd was exactly the right colour and consistancy if the ice cream, so having dipped the chocolate center in the turd, he decided that he didn't want it any more, when, we'll call him johnny, because thats his name, came round the corner and was open to the offer of free ices cream. needless to say, we were the nasty older kids, so when it transpired that he's just put dog shit in his mouth we got away harm free.

on another note, my sister works at the royal free, quite a few years ago i got invited to a party in hampstead, thinking about all the nurses there i managed to wangle it for a mate to come along. not having any luck with the nurses me and said mate decided to take the piss out of people, one guy inparticular looked like rolf harris, for which we ripped the piss out of him, but i digress, whilst this was going on we were knocking back a few beers and snacking on pitta bread and hummus (could have been hummus, could have been a bowl of vomit, but it was nice). anyway, the next day as we were taking the tube home, somewhere on the northern line (finchley i think) i let out the most silent and deadly fart i have ever done, no really, it brought tears to my friends eyes and managed to clear the entire carriage at the next station. sorry to those people who were on that train one sunday about 8 years ago.

I have to add this as well

I have just rememembered another tale of poo.

I was told this by an old associate and I believe him.

While at university whenever they moved into a new house they would always play a game called "hide the turd". This meant each new housemate would plop out a log and conceal it somewhere and the challenge would be to find it.

They all hid their turds. The first two were found quite quickly. The third one took about 4 days, it was concealed at the bottom of a cowboy boot only to be discovered when a foot was placed in it. Imagine squishy poop inbetween your toes.

But what about the fourth poo? Weeks went past. No sign of the poo yet. Until one day some students came over to the house. They were a bit peckish, propably had the munchies so they decided to chow down on some nice white rubber bread. They dug deep into the margarine which was a massive family size tub and running low.

What did they find in there?

Concealed in the bottom was the 4th poo. It had been hidden under the marge all this time.